I got it from my mother...I do really try to listen to people, to understand their point of view, their world, not immediately countering them, overriding their position before even understanding it. Most often, before I am able to defend my particular position (especially if it has never been challenged before) only after I try on the other person's idea, jump into their reality. Running around in their shoes for a few days allows me to try out this new position variety of situations to see if it fits, to see which parts of myself it is pleasing, and which it is aggravating. Only THEN can I form my defense and THEN (unfortunately several days later) respond with an argument. This method, however, is painfully slow in the high-speed context of evening conversations.