ends and beginnings

I'm afraid, actually, that I've gone past the line of the project as I intended...I've crossed the border between my project and my real life. It was bound to happen some time, the project flirts with this possibility at every point, why not this way....why not now. The exhibition is titled Necessary Discourse on Hysteria after all, is it not inevitable to at some point become hysteric? 


There are many visions of mass hysteria, groups of people in extreme emotional states, crying, fighting, in trauma. But there are other kinds as well. I experienced a different hysteria, building up over the past several weeks, that was brought to the surface after  a series of provocations. 


But how, now, do I begin actually? After such a moment. Now so much has become private information...private experiences. To write about other things and less intense discourse would be trivial and an insult to the very title of the project. 


I can say that I deeply understand art, and more importantly, artists, to be dominators of a position. They must do so in order to present to the world something truly of their own; their thought, their process, their artwork for all to see. This takes great courage, courage coming from each of their unique combinations of ignorance, confidence and sense of purpose.


What does this mean for me? This means I am required to go on, to find a beginning in the end. To accept my hysterics as part of the process, perhaps inherent in the very nature of my project.